Personal Dev Conflict¶
10 cards — 🟢 3 easy | 🟡 4 medium | 🔴 3 hard
🟢 Easy (3)¶
1. What are the four components of nonviolent communication (NVC) and what does each step prevent?
Show answer
The four components are: Observation (state what happened without judgment), Feeling (name the emotion it triggered), Need (identify the underlying need at stake), Request (make a specific, actionable ask). Observation prevents character attacks. Feeling prevents blame. Need prevents positional arguments. Request prevents vague complaints. Example: "When the deploy schedule changed without notice, I felt frustrated because I need predictability. Can we add changes to the team channel?"2. What is active listening in conflict resolution and how does it differ from waiting for your turn to speak?
Show answer
Active listening means fully processing what the other person says before formulating your response. Techniques: paraphrase what you heard ("So you are saying..."), ask clarifying questions, and acknowledge emotions before responding to content. It differs from passive waiting because you demonstrate comprehension. People in conflict need to feel heard before they can hear you. Skipping this step means your rebuttal hits a wall of "they do not understand me."3. How do I-statements reduce defensiveness compared to you-statements?
Show answer
I-statements focus on your experience: "I felt blindsided when the deadline moved" vs. "You never communicate changes." You-statements attribute motives or character flaws, triggering defensiveness. I-statements describe impact without accusation, keeping the conversation about the situation rather than the person. The structure: "I feel [emotion] when [specific situation] because [reason/need]." The other person can hear the impact without feeling attacked.🟡 Medium (4)¶
1. What are the five Thomas-Kilmann conflict modes and when is each appropriate?
Show answer
The five modes plot on assertiveness vs. cooperativeness: Competing (high assert, low cooperate -- use when quick decisive action is needed), Collaborating (high both -- use when both parties' concerns are too important to compromise), Compromising (medium both -- use when time is limited and a partial solution works), Avoiding (low both -- use when the issue is trivial or timing is wrong), Accommodating (low assert, high cooperate -- use when the relationship matters more than the issue). No mode is universally correct.2. What are three de-escalation techniques you can use when a conversation is heating up?
Show answer
(1) Pace and tone: slow your speech and lower your volume slightly -- the other person often matches unconsciously. (2) Acknowledgment before rebuttal: "I can see this is frustrating" or "You are right that the timeline is tight" -- acknowledge what is true before disagreeing. This is not agreement; it shows you heard them. (3) Name the dynamic: "I think we are both getting heated. Can we take five minutes?" Naming the emotional state out loud often defuses it.3. What is the difference between a position and an interest, and why does switching from positions to interests create more room for agreement?
Show answer
A position is a specific demand: "We need to use Kafka." An interest is the underlying need: "We need reliable event delivery with replay capability." Positions are usually zero-sum (one side wins). Interests often overlap or can be satisfied in multiple ways. Switching reveals that both parties may want the same underlying thing but proposed different solutions. This creates space for creative options neither party initially considered.4. Why is post-conflict repair important within 24 hours, and what does the repair protocol include?
Show answer
Without repair, the conflict becomes a reference point that poisons future collaboration. The repair protocol (within 24 hours): (1) Acknowledge the difficulty: "Yesterday's conversation was tough." (2) Reaffirm the relationship: "I value working with you." (3) Confirm the outcome: "Here is what I understood we agreed to." (4) Check in: "Is there anything unresolved from your side?" This takes 5 minutes and prevents weeks of avoidance and guesswork.🔴 Hard (3)¶
1. Why must you classify the conflict type before choosing a response, and what are the five types?
Show answer
The five types are: Data (different information -- show the data), Process (how work flows -- discuss the process), Role (who owns what -- clarify ownership), Values (different priorities -- name the tradeoff), and Respect (personal dignity -- enforce the boundary immediately). Using the wrong response for the type makes things worse: getting emotional about a data disagreement, or rationalizing away a respect violation. Classify first, then match your response to the type.2. When should you escalate a conflict instead of resolving it directly, and what does a proper escalation look like?
Show answer
Escalate when: you have tried direct resolution twice without success, there is a power imbalance, there is a safety issue, or the behavior is a recurring pattern. Proper escalation to your manager: "Here is what happened [facts]. Here is what I tried [actions]. Here is what I need [specific help]." Escalation is NOT venting, triangulating, or building a coalition behind someone's back. It is a structured request for intervention with documentation.3. Why is written conflict (email, Slack, PRs) uniquely dangerous, and what is the re-read test?